T-Minus 6 months to TTFE Poolmania 2013!

Whilst this week's report is being written - although do check out the explosive interview with Chris if you haven't already - I wanted to let you know that if the TPC isn't floating your boat, not to worry! TTFE Poolmania is only 6 months away and 2013 looks to be the biggest one yet!

Poolmania fans have the chance to seek a peek at the new website devoted entirely to the longest standing TTFE competition, which will be contended for the ninth time. The website will have all the stats, matches and any reports from the time - the perfect place for all fans to reminisce!

So here's your first glimpse... expect more soon! Until then sit tight and get working on your potting!

The Barbarian Slaughter

Callum at half time... nice pants Cal!

So, in what this pundit has gone on record as the upset in the competition so far, Callum 'the Barbarian' Gigg has beat slaughtered Chris 'all talk' Phillips and gone through to the semi-finals.

In a game that was billed to be 'one sided' and 'embarrassing for Callum', Callum shocked and awed with an impressive performance. The Barbarian turned up prepared with notes/research and his classic, quiet but confident demeanour before setting to the task of taking Chris' team apart!

Chris' disappointing was evident to all present but has gone on record and said:

"Well, Callum must be favourite for the whole competition now then! I clearly underestimated him as he was clearly the better team-picker, captain and player!"

Sadness in the eyes of the fat, mouthy lad expressed how humbled he was to have taken on Callum though as he went on to say:

"It's really a shame because I only really started the competition because I wanted bragging rights and I'm not convinced that's what everyone else is in it for the same thing, I think they just want a bloody t-shirt! Nobody else is even claiming they have a chance at winning, it's all so polite and so TTFE!"

Chris' team failure... too old, too crap!

And was Chris gracious in defeat? Well, not really. Although he has said on many occasions that Callum was the better picker, captain and player, when asked if there was anything he'd do differently and would he pick the same team he has also controversially said that he would pick differently!

"Sure, there were some good players on my team but there were some disappointments too, I won name any names here but let's be honest here - we lost, we were not good enough, the team and myself are to blame for that!"

"Yes, I'd definitely pick differently, a stronger defence, a better balance and possibly the chance to still be in the competition now, but it's too late isn't it!"

"I got it wrong on the day and picked a losing team... what a bunch of losers!"

"I'm telling you right now, I wanted some of the players Callum took from the pot, and I chose some that I shouldn't have, I made some picks based on the player rather than the team... I started thinking, 'he's good' rather than, 'he'll fit well in the team', or 'I need him to fill that position' - Callum wasn't so Naive, he stayed calm and picked balance!"

So, onto the semi-finals:

Jon Ridout vs Gareth "Big G" O'Neill
Billy Collins vs Callum Gigg

Given the previous games, Big G's smashing of Joe and Callum beating the competition favourite and sexiest player,  it might be a case of Billy and Ridout scrapping it out for bronze pride and Big G vs Callum in the final.

It's being said by the louder pundits now that Callum will go on to win it but I guess we can only wait and see really.

Either way, the TPC is likely to move up a gear now as people get closer to the cotton-polyester mix!

No...

... he couldn't!

More to follow!

Can Chris clubber Callum The Barbarian?

It doesn't take long for Phillips to wind up a crowd...

It has been a long time coming but finally Chris Phillips will take centre stage in the final Quarter Final of the first ever Team Picker Cup. As architect of the competition and after weeks of convincing players that it could ever happen, he will now make his mark against Callum Gigg in what will be a tricky fixture. And not to mention a real contrast in volume between them!

This week will signal the end of what has been an exciting round so far - full of goals, guile and the occasional goading. It has also been tinged with the odd bit of controversy too, with goal line scrambles and handball calls. It would be naive to think that will end here - especially with Phillips involved.

• TPC Fact: Experience is the key. Each player that has been eliminated so far has only picked once according to the Team Picking list; the victor having picked twice or more. This week this trend will come to an end as both players have picked teams at least twice (Phillips 4 times, Gigg twice).  

If you believe the hype and all the fighting talk, this tie is merely a formality for Phillips on his path to T-shirt-covered glory. The calibre of his opponent is irrelevant as his name is already written on the trophy, he claims.  Respected legends of the game have lambasted "Plasmo" for his utter lack of respect for not just his Quarter Final opponent, but anyone who will face. Former 5-a-side football professional Willie Maykit is among those who feel Phillips has taken his arrogance to a whole new level. "He may be brimming with confidence, but the field is littered with worthy knights who want to claim the throne" he said. "I bloody hope Gigg gives him a good kicking! Go Barbarian!"

Has Gigg been pillaging a bit too much?

With the media whirlwind surrounding Phillips, one would forget the more modest challenger known in TTFE circles as the 'Barbarian'. Callum Gigg, fiercely patriotic and known for his reflective demeanour, will surely be quietly plotting the downfall of TTFE's most famous extrovert. However some aides in his camp have started to worry about Gigg, feeling that he's taking his adopted nickname way too seriously. Our insider told us: "He's flipped his lid. I mean seriously. He watched Conan The Barbarian non stop all week and you can see the blood lust in his eyes. I asked him about his strategy and he told me bluntly  that it is 'to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women' - I would not want to be Plasmo right about now".

Meanwhile TPC organisers have been criticised by players and fans alike for the length of last week's opening ceremony. Intended on adding glamour and glitz to the competition and to bring in viewers from the Olympics, it was widely slammed on social media website Twitter as being too cheap and too long. One tweet said, "Do the TPC think we're stupid? Fake Michael Buffer and less game time #TPCFail"., whilst another said "Crap TPC game and ceremony last week. Mr Loverman was a fat white guy and superman didn't even fly."

TPC organisers are yet to comment on the matter and no ceremony has been planned for this week's game or any of the semi finals.

Nothing to say...

This writer has very little to say this week. Everyone is expecting it to be such a 1 sided affair that writing anything about it would simply be cruel to poor Callum who only has a day left in the competition!

Goal Rush - spelt with a Big G

Is it just me, or do our captains look photoshopped?

It was a very one sided affair at Sophia last week as Team Big G, led by Gareth O'Neill, ran riot to win 12-5 over Team Joe Newbury.

In the end 'The Battle of Ely Bridge' was nothing more than a Big G Blitzkrieg, as they completely dominated the game and shown no mercy to Team Joe. The opening few minutes - just after when both captains strutted and paraded themselves to their own theme music - was the most competitive the game had been. 

Bizarrely Team Joe gathered a 2-0 lead and looked comfortable despite leading against the run of play. It wasn't long before Team Big G pulled the game back to 4-2 and then even scored a fifth over being awarded a penalty. In the second half the dominance continued and Team Joe could only manage three goals more to Team Big G's addition of seven goals.

So where did it all wrong for Team Joe? We look behind the reasons for the most one-sided game so far in the Team Picker Cup.

And do you know what? They did pick him!

Team Picking

After the game Newbury stated that despite the result he wouldn't have picked his team any differently. Many pundits disagree with this view believing that he picked with too much of imbalance. Fellow Team Joe teammate Chris Phillips also conceded that O'Neill's approach showed more of an appreciation for picking in each position. "Team Joe was too defensive in my opinion" states one internet blogger. "Even though he tends to adopt a defensive stance in his team strategies, I felt the pendulum swung too far the one way as Team G seemed to be sturdier in both attack and defence".

Formation

"At times you felt like Team Big G resembled a 4-3-3 Spurs side - free-flowing, quick and confident on the attack. Then you had a Team Joe side which looked more like a blunt Man U team with Gaji playing the stranded striker Rooney in an ineffective 4-5-1". Harsh words from one armchair pundit, but there is an element of truth in it. Team Big G's keeper Billy Collins barely broke a sweat across the whole game whilst Gareth 'Gaji' Jenkins spent more time coming back to help the defence rather than looking a potent threat. Team Big G chased down every ball, forced errors on their opponents and thrived on being on the attack. Team Joe looked nervy on the ball and played a lot of the long ball - on reflection not a great idea considering the weather conditions. 

Hell hath no fury like a Pinto scorned

As players found their teams on the night one by one, it was Mike Pinto that faced the indignity of the dreaded last pick. However whether it was anger, revenge, sheer determination or a combination of all three, he played a fine match for Team Big G by terrorising Joe's defence all night. The attack was very effective as a whole as the link up play was excellent - but his performance in taking on defenders made it a real misery for Team Joe. In contrast the last two games had many calls for defensive players to be commended - this time it attacking players which stood out.

'On the night'     

Bad day at the office? Playing above and beyond the norm? Many agree with both. Team Joe didn't look their best, particularly in defence where on paper they would be the strongest. The wet conditions did not help, as well as the aerial balls they played, but it was clear they couldn't get out of first gear for large periods of the game. Meanwhile Team Big G looked hungrier, made the right passes and all looked on great form. 

Do you agree? What do you think about last week's Quarter Final?

Team Big G (Clockwise from left: Billy, Greg?, Jon, Mike, Callum, Pugh, Paul, G) 

Team Joe (Clockwise from left: Tom, Greg, Chris, Gaji, Luco, Stu, Joe)

SuperGaz!

   

'The Battle of Ely Bridge'

Although both our contestants live in Caerau.

Tonight's third TPC Quarter Final boasts a fierce Cardiff suburb rivalry between two passionate TTFE players, Joe 'Shabba' Newbury and Gareth 'Big G O'Neill. Being labelled as The Battle of Ely Bridge, both contestants will be representing West Cardiff as they will fight it out to meet Jon Ridout in the Semi Final.

It has been very quiet this week on the forum and Facebook groups, with both players giving no mention of any tactics or clues indicating how they will pick their teams this evening. However pundits and even academics believe that both Newbury and O'Neill will choose very similarly to reflect their personalities. Dr Rainer Flugelhoffer, Chief Sports Psychologist at the Munich Soccer Institute of Team Picking, states that tonight's affair will be tough to call as both players will be adopting an almost identical stance in tactics and player picking. 

"It is clear to me that both O'Neill and Newbury will play, as you British say, with your 'heart on your sleeve' - unrelenting and determined." stated Flugelhoffer. "Both will pick not necessarily for skill or talent but for passion and commitment - but of course the former is also important as well. What may be running through the minds of the contenders is whether this player will run themselves tirelessly for me, rather than whether or not he can be skilful on the ball." 

Dr Flugelhoffer would not be drawn on who would win the game, but he does feel that half time will be critical for O'Neill and Newbury. "I have a feeling who ever leads at half time will feel the most pressure to win despite the scoreline. Like we saw last week with Team Pugh being down 4 goals they fought hard to get 3 goals back and then ebbed away, but being behind, then having a chance to rethink and re-plan a strategy can often be key towards staging a comeback".

In other news, TPC officals have not given any more information about a possible 'ceremony' prior to tonight's game. Leaked reports suggested that TPC bigwigs were furious as they underestimated the appeal of last Friday's London Olympics opening ceremony, which captivated viewers worldwide.  In a bid to ensure viewers tune in to tonight's game, it is rumoured that tonight's game will have some type of 'opening' to add further glamour to the cup.

Our inside man informs us that players will be introduced with entrance music and also a special guest to begin the game, legendary boxing announcer  Michael Buffer. Our inside man told us: "TPC officials were fuming about the Olympics so they've pushed the boat out American style to ensure people are watching. The players will be introduced 'WWE wrestling style' while they've blown the budget to get Michael Buffer over here. It's going to be awesome I can tell you that."

Will we see Isambard Kingdom O'Neill? 

Or Joe Bond?